Remembering my friend Kelvin
He made me laugh.
He made me fume.
And I thought I would always have to deal with his messages, but I was wrong.
On 30 March 2024, I received news that Kelvin had passed on. He was 47. He was in the hospital for almost a month, because of certain complications that I won’t share here. I heard about his predicament from his wife, Sun, who sent me a voice message a day after he was admitted. Until the day I visited him at the hospital, I had never met her, but had a glimpse of her from Kelvin, who used to address her as EOH (Evil Other Half). My visit to the ICU was bittersweet, I knew that he recognised me, but he wasn’t able to respond.
Kelvin always started off his messages with asking me how I was, what I was doing, regular mundane stuff. And he would often make fun of me. He would call me Karen because I complained to him about something (I don’t even remember what it was about). He used to blame me for things that happened in and around the world — this irritated me, admittedly. When that happened, I would retaliate by not replying to his messages for a few days. Eventually, he’d message me, and I would reply him again. I suppose I had a soft spot for him.
Connection Established
Then there were some things that connected us. We were both born in April, the same year, 5 days apart. We both loved music from the 90’s, we would be excited when we got discounts for dining and shopping — and not to mention our mutual hatred for Fruit Cake, especially during Christmas time.
That’s not to say we didn’t have our share of opposites too — he liked cats, I didn’t. He loved onions, I hated them. He loved idli, Indian steam rice cakes with chutney and disliked dosa, the thin crispy crepe with sambhar. And I was the complete opposite. He also hated my favourite musician John Mayer with all his heart — and always took time to remind me of that.
There are a few things I will remember about him though. I will remember him bugging me about when I was getting married, because he wanted to have biryani (as a celebration feast). He used to ask me what my plans were for Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s. He used to ask me numbers for the local lottery, and when he got some money out of it, transferred a percentage of the winnings to my account.
Nestor, the soft toy he got from a claw machine deepened our bond. Kelvin would make scenarios for Nestor and share the photos with me. Whether it was Nestor trying his hand at cooking, being kind King Nestor who opened his castle to slaves, or just doing his duty as Safety Inspector, I laughed every single time he shared Nestor’s adventures with me.
But sometimes, he’d be all serious and send me messages that made me feel he truly cared, like the time he urged me to write my book and that he wanted to read every single word. Or when he would encourage me to get a rabbit as a pet, because he knew I liked them.
The Truth
All these stories about Kelvin, and the truth is I only met him twice in person, the second time at the hospital.
We met on the dating app OKCupid about 7 years ago. Yes, we swiped right on each other. I am not sure why he decided to do that, but for me, he had an interesting face. He messaged first and after a few messages, we met in person at a shopping mall in Kuala Lumpur. We had lunch — Pan Mee, a dish consisting of flat noodles served in a broth, typically with minced meat, mushrooms, and various toppings such as fried anchovies and green vegetables with a bowl of soup.
After lunch we adjourned to the nearest bar and talked more, over a few beers. The truth is, I don’t remember our exact conversation, but I remember laughing at his jokes. Kelvin had the gift of the gab. His words were like manna from heaven. The most noticeable thing about Kelvin was that he looked very Indian, but when he spoke, he was all American. It was a mismatch for sure, yet it was an intriguing one. And I loved it when things were all mixed up, because I was mixed up too.
When our beer session ended, admittedly, we were a little high, but we walked to the train station together. He held my hand all the way until it was time to part ways. When it was time to leave, we said our goodbyes and he gave me a quick kiss on my forehead.
Bites of Reality
That was the last time I saw him walking and talking.
If I knew that it was the last time, I would see him that way, I would have missed the train to spend a few more minutes talking to him.
So yes, we didn’t end up being together. We were better off as friends, I believe. And while I may have been fine to let him slip off my life radar, he didn’t feel the same. He kept messaging me on WhatsApp. And for that I am grateful.
Losing someone you know is one of the most difficult things one goes through in life. And just because you met them just once, it doesn’t mean the relationship is any less important. Their words, their stories, their personalities will always be remembered and treasured.
Rest in peace now, Kelvin. Thank you for the friendship, the laughs and stories. The music up there is going to be better than it is down here, but I still need to share a song of John Mayer’s that will make me think of you.
You’re Gonna Live Forever in Me — John Mayer
A great big bang and dinosaurs
Fiery raining meteors
It all ends unfortunately
But you’re gonna live forever in me
I’ll guarantee, just wait and see
Parts of me were made by you
And planets keep their distance too
The moon’s got a grip on the sea
And you’re gonna live forever in me
I guarantee, it’s your destiny
Life is full of sweet mistakes
And love’s an honest one to make
Time leaves no fruit on the tree
But you’re gonna live forever in me
I guarantee, it’s just meant to be
And when the pastor asks the pews
For reasons he can’t marry you
I’ll keep my word in my seat
But you’re gonna live forever in me
I’ll guarantee, just wait and see
anuvenugopal.com 
Leave a comment