Remembering life lessons on his birthday

June 6 will always be a special day for me – it’s the day both my father and sister were born.

Recently, while watching the Malay movie Babah on Netflix, I was reminded of my relationship with my dad. In one scene, the father finds out that his daughter had been skipping piano lessons. His disappointment was evident, and that moment made me feel just as guilty as I did the day I was caught – and full of regret, especially since my father passed away in 2010 and I no longer have the chance to apologise properly.

My dad, Venugopal – or Acha, as I called him – was truly one of a kind. Patient, caring, and ahead of his time, he taught me so much about life and values in his own, subtle ways. On his birthday, and with Father’s Day around the corner, here are 10 important lessons I learnt from him.

#1. Patience is a necessary quality to have in relationships.
Almost always a patient man (he was human, after all), Dad was one of the most patient people I’ve ever known. When it came to handling tough relationships, his approach was to be patient, share your thoughts calmly, and trust that you’d get through it.

#2. The best way to learn a language is by reading lots of content in that language.
When I was a primary school student trying to get better at Bahasa Malaysia, the national language of Malaysia, he used to buy newspapers every other day. He made me read through them to improve my vocabulary and comprehension. Not only did my results improve, but I also fell in love with the language.

#3. Girls can do and be anything.
A feminist dad way before the term was popular, he was always encouraging my sister and me to do anything we aspired to, regardless of society’s preconceptions. He even tried getting his daughters into sports – badminton, tennis, and hockey. Unfortunately, I only managed to be decent at badminton. (Sorry, Acha!)

#4. Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!
My father was one of the most patriotic people I’ve ever known. Despite being the only sibling born outside of Malaya in 1942, he was always deeply patriotic. His love for Malaysia spilled over to my sister and me. One of the moments I will always remember is him sending a message with the word Merdeka (freedom) when he crossed the border from Singapore to Malaysia.

#5. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
When I was in my teens and he was doing a correspondence course, he came across this saying in his study materials and asked me what I thought it meant. Maybe it was an unintentional lesson, but that saying has stayed with me since.

#6. It’s not strength, it’s technique.
Whenever I had problems opening bottles, he would always say that – it’s not about strength but technique. And somehow, 90% of the time, when I tried using strength and it wasn’t working, I would think of what he said, change my approach, and it usually worked.

#7. Beer has minerals and is good for you.
Okay, so this may have been his attempt at trying to be funny. He always loved his beers, and when I would tease him about drinking, this was what he used to say.

#8. Walking is a great form of exercise.
When I was a teenager, more interested in watching MTV than doing anything physical, my dad always encouraged us to get outdoors and walk. Some days, he had to almost drag us out of the house, but luckily, his efforts got to me eventually. One day, I woke up and realised that I loved walking. Since then, I’ve been joining runs and walks, and I enjoy every single one of them.

#9. It’s always important to learn and stay updated.
My dad was always interested in learning new things and keeping up with the times. When computers first came into the market, he was one of the first in the family to buy one. He not only got us guides to learn how to use them, but also took the initiative to learn on his own. And yes, we had dial-up internet, almost immediately it was available too!

#10. If you see someone without a smile, give him one of yours.
This was one of his favourite sayings – and he truly lived by it. He was always known as a fun, smiling person. I had forgotten about this quote for a while, but it’s going to stay in my mind from now on.

Happy heavenly birthday, Acha!
You continue to be an inspiration to me. ❤️